Funny English Quotes

Funny English quotes from famous writers and actors will make think while laughing. Don't dare to read them as ordinary jokes. See th...

Funny English quotes from famous writers and actors will make think while laughing. Don't dare to read them as ordinary jokes. See the hidden meaning behind these words. If you have any other funny quotes, share with us in comments.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
Abraham Lincoln

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Margaret Mead

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
Luis Bunuel

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
Abraham Lincoln

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
Stephen Hawking

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
Oliver Herford

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Steven Wright

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Albert Einstein

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Clint Eastwood

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Alexander Woollcott